I tried. I really did. But October was a horrible, awful, emotional, depressing month. I wrote about it here, if you would like to see why. I didn’t even make it a week with my Healthy Habit #10. I think I worked on physical activity for about 3 days, and then it went kaput, and I was back to laying on the couch, or, on particularly bad days, in bed, watching countless hours of mediocre TV shows to distract myself from the blues I was feeling. The only silver-lining in the whole ordeal was that this time, as opposed to times in the past, I knew that the depression would pass. I knew that I just had to be patient, to talk about the things that were bothering me, and to take comfort in knowing that I wouldn’t always feel sad and down. I took it easy on myself, did the things that I had to (like earn a paycheck, and shower daily…or almost daily), and waited. And finally, this last week, I started to feel better. I noticed that I didn’t feel as sad, and that my smiling and laughing was, once again, genuine. Last Monday was the first day that I felt I was able to stay mindful, the first day that I felt like myself again. The remainder of the week has gotten better and better.
So, all of that being said, I have decided that November will be a month of do-overs. I want to redo HH #10, and try to get my sedentary self moving. That is first and foremost. I know that I will feel better physically and emotionally if I do it.
I also want to revisit some other Healthy Habits that I enjoyed, but didn’t quite stick to. Meditation is one of them. I have been using meditation on and off since I first tried it, but it hasn’t been a regular practice as of late. So I will again make time for it, and see how it goes. I would also like to add consistency back to writing gratitude lists. My mind has been pretty well-trained to look for the good in every situation these days, even when it’s hard, or when all I can find is the tiniest of slivers of gratitude, I know that I can find something for which to be grateful. Unfortunately, if I don’t take the time to really think about it, or write it down, then the gratitude stays in my head, and never really reaches my heart. In other words, I know what I have to be thankful for, I just don’t know how to feel gratitude for it. Writing it down helped me before, so I am going to do what I know works. I am going to add listing the things that I am grateful for to my journal writing that I do every morning.
I feel positive and hopeful. I was going to add “about….” to that sentence, but as I typed it, I realized that it said enough. I feel positive and hopeful. And that’s good. 🙂