So this afternoon I had a meltdown. A snot-running, can’t-catch-my-breath crying, completely irrational breakdown. I don’t even know what happened, the day started off good enough. We went to our meeting at 6:45, came home, I made omelets for Father’s Day breakfast, and we chilled out. I finished the book I was reading, took a short nap, and then woke up feeling down and tearful. My husband and stepson were spending the afternoon playing one of their Star Wars video games, I could hear the bickering and trash-talking coming from the other room. In other words, this was an ordinary weekend in our house.
So what was it that set me off? I guess it could’ve been that I didn’t sleep well last night. I woke up every half hour and I had a crazy anxiety dream. In the dream I was going to school, high school maybe, and for some reason I thought that I could shower and get dressed at school. Then when I got there, the pricipal (played in my dream by my current boss at work…wierd) said no, that I couldn’t shower there. Now, when I wake up, I look like a crazy woman. I have long, curly hair and it is all over the place when I get up. In the dream it was no different. And, I was wearing pajamas. So, I had to call my mom to come and pick me up and I got yelled at and made to feel stupid when she got there. Then I woke up. I have never been so happy to be almost 25 years this side of high school!
It could also be that today is Father’s Day and I’m not with my family. Most holidays do get me down, but I really thought that I would be okay for this one. I felt like I was lucky that I got to spend it with my husband, Austin, and stepson, Benjamin. I wanted to be sure that Austin knew what a great dad I think he is, and that he and Benjamin got to spend the day doing what they wanted to. Then, by mid-afternoon I was feeling sad and left out. That’s so silly. I wanted the day to be about them, and then I made it about me. Sounds like alcohlic behavior, doesn’t it?
Another thing it could be is that I am PMS-ing, and that makes me kind of crazy.
Maybe it’s just because I’m a girl and I hadn’t had a good cry in a long, long time.
I don’t know what it was, maybe a combination of all of those things. What I do know is that Austin went and bought me chocolate (smart man), I called my sponsor to see if she thought I was nuts (she didn’t), and I wrote this post. Now, I feel better.